Sometimes you feel like a grown up... sometimes you don't!!!

The other day, at work, I had an epiphany! Holy crap, when did I grow up???

Now I found this thought rather strange. I spent almost eight years in the US Army and every day that I was in, I felt like an adult. I had power, authority and responsibility. I did "more by 6am than an average person does in a whole day." I never questioned my adulthood. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still did some very "young at heart" things. Drank with everyone in barracks, threw toga parties you know... good old fun.

So, what exactly made me go WTF??? I am staring at my computer screen right in the middle of inputting training. I was like, whoa, I'm an adult. I have my own apartment, a son, a new car with no car payment, I pay bills, I don't borrow from friends or family, I have a real job that makes a decent income, and I am responsible. For the first time, this year, someone called me "Nelson's mom." Until now, it was always assumed that I was his older sister. I thought that would continue a lot longer. Especially since he is now just 1 inch shorter than I! When did this happen? Did I miss something?

Then, I have conversations with people who are a few years older than me and they constantly tell me that I am "a baby."I am still so young. There is so much time. Then I sit there and start feeling young, not the young like a teenager or anything. Just young. I am not married, I am not in toooo bad shape. My maternal grandparents are even still alive (barely). My son is not even a teenager yet (he will be net year though).

I am always told that I have a "youthful appearance." Or that I am so young. Are these compliments? These older people that say I am so young, are they really calling me immature? Are they jealous? Do they think they are better than me? And why do I find it so funny that at this age, they still think that 10 years is that big of a difference?

Well, regardless of it all, I want to think that it is a nice balance. I am an adult, mature and responsible. But I am still young and have so much time ahead of me. I am at a point where I can go buy alcohol and most of the time not get carded, but still can giggle with the girls about a cute guy! Hopefully, the two sides continue to get along like BFFs and not start to clash!

The age old question: Will you help me? - Resumes!

I have been trying for the past year to start a resume writing business. Since I can remember, my friends and family have asked me to help write, re-write or completely DO their resume. I have the gift of gab and pen! So, first I tried making a lame old Mi Espacio (My Space) page trying to drum up business. Asking all of my friends to add me. Telling them to pass on the word. Adding random people that requested me.

Didn't do one bit of good.

Of course, the requests to help others still come in. In fact, said guy from yesterday's blog got a call from Sony today. He has a friend that works for them and got the hook up for an interview. Buuuut his resume looked list a$$. And of course, I said ok. It took me about one hour and 45 minutes. It never really takes me that long. My own did. But come on, for free, you are getting a resume that will get you an interview not make you look like a rockstar!

About three weeks ago, I found out that on microsoft live small business, you can get a domain name for free for one year. I was like perfect! If I still suck at drumming up business, I will just cancel it, no money out of pocket. Well, I told all my friends, asked everyone to pimp me out. Aaaaaand NOTHING. But more requests to help THEM...

Well, anywho, if you are in the market for a new job or know someone who is...

http://daphnesproservices.com

Flirting with Disaster

So, I met this guy back in say February or March. He transferred to my store and from the moment I saw him, I was like... WHO is THAT? And of course, he needed help logging in and stood very close to me and for the first time ever, I felt sparks. Now, to my dismay, I found out he was married. As time went on, we talked a lot, I found out his marriage was not a very happy one. To me this changes nothing. He is still unavailable... Then bad news comes, I am leaving the store! Don't worry I got a job within the company lol!

Well, a month or two later, a friend who still worked at the store and I go out to a Balloon and Wine Festival. Well, we discuss said guy and she says, "Oh did you hear? He left his wife!" I of course was a little happy, lol. I jokingly (ok maybe not so jokingly) say, "Hey you should give him my number!" Well, she did. He called me a month later. Conversation starts normal. He tells me his woes, I am understanding, a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. The we decide to hang out, just watch some movies. We hang out like once a week, sometimes twice a week. Things progressively get better. He spends the night at my place, I spend the night at his... etc etc etc.

Being the woman that I am, I begin to fall in love. He really is a great guy. Very complimenting, randomly and politely. Very attentive - we text approx 100-200 texts a day. Very positive. Very open and honest. Loves my cooking, gets along with my son, and thinks I am hot and that the hotest part of me is my BRAIN! Its great... RIGHT?

WRONG!!! Just as things get to the GREAT level... the ex comes down with e-coli!!!! And it's not responding to treatment! Kidneys failing... Docs mention making a will.

THEN... when they finally get the e-coli under control... they find CANCER! Are you f-ing kidding me right now???? OMG.

So, now, the man of my dreams is busy with the ex taking her to doctor appointments. Which as I mentioned is part of why I love this man (yes I said the L word). Caring and attentive. I fully understand that he still cares for her. Theirs was not a bad separation, they just aren't IN LOVE with each other anymore, they still have love for each other though. And in my head, I am sad for two reasons.
1. My poor friend. His ex may be dying and this is the worst time for it to happen. With the split and everything, talk about double the heartache!
2. For us... we have no time for each other... well seeing each other... we still text like crazy. If his ex passes on, her kids - whom she is leaving to him, will HATE me...

HOW IS THIS EVER GOING TO WORK???

Some of my friends say - cut your losses. It's over. I tried to do it, and even explained to him, my major feelings for him and that I just don't want to get hurt. I will stay his friend no matter what!

Some friends say - if you care that much for him and he cares for you, stick it out! This is what some of the best relationships are made of - overcoming adversity.

Well, as I continue to try to pull away, I notice him pulling me to stay. He tells me we can work through this. He still calls, still texts. And in fact, asked if he could come over tonight and watch movies and chat. My mind is swirling. My heart is pounding. I feel like CRAP. And I find myself unable to cut the emotional cord yet. I logically think this is going to end in a LOT of pain to my already bruised and battered heart. But my bruised and battered heart does NOT want to let go and still can't stop thinking about him.

To start things off....

Just so you know a little about me! I am a 31 year old single mom (32 in December). I grew up and lived most of my life in Southern California. I served 7.5 years active duty in the US Army where I was a Senior Human Resources Sergeant. After my end of service I almost immediately was employed by Home Depot as a Human Resources Manager in So Cal. When the transition came down to remove HR from the stores I secured a position in the West Coast Support Center and now work in the Learning Department as a Divisional Learning Administrator. This is a fancy title for tracking, monitoring and preparing our Salaried Management Team for the learning involved in their positions. I cover all stores from Wyoming down to New Mexico all the way to the coast and includes Alaska, Hawaii and Guam. Lots of training people! Anywho, more about me in general.

I have one son who is 12. He is pretty much my life... which I would drastically like to change - lol - in need of some me time. I love sushi... love music... oh hell I love everything. Coffee, wine, golf, hiking, watching movies, tv, walks, exercise (well I am trying to love it lmao), cooking, who knows - throw something at me - I will try anything once!!! Totally single and totally looking. I am a very upbeat person, now don't get me wrong, I have my days... lately more often then I would like, but I am doing stuff to fix that (like that exercise I am TRYING to love).

You can usually catch me online at several places... I have a myspace, facebook, twitter, twittermoms, etc...

I plan to write about - well, everything... it may just be what I am thinking, it may be a review of a book, music, movie or product I used... who knows! Thanks for stopping by and I hope you come back often!